1996

MUSIC: SR-71 (PARODY OF "1985")
LYRICS: MISBEHAVIN' MAIDENS (FLINT LOCKE)

Fanboy got Dragon Ball, 
Made sure to watch it all, 
One garage kit a day, 
Got high on model spray, 
Mech posters on his door, 
Couldn't even see the floor, 
Never went to Japan, 
What happened to his plan? 

He was gonna be an idol, 
He was gonna be a star, 
Gonna get a replica, 
Of Nekki Basara's guitar, 
His desk job 8 to 3, 
Is now the enemy, 
No more D&D nights, 
And nothin', has been, all right

Since Akira, Gokudo, 
Way before Naruto
There was Van's Escaflowne, 
And Sailor Moon on USA, 
The newbies in high school, 
They tell us that we're uncool, 
'Cause we've had our Asian fix, 
Since 19, 19, 1996

We've seen all the classics, 
Every line we know, 
Kenshin, the Slayers, too, 
Even Nadesico, 
We sang Sana's rap, 
Knew all the guys in SMAP, 
Thought we'd get a hand, 
On a member of Priss's band

Where're the bikinis made of tiger? 
And who's that Tenchi clone out screaming bloody murder? 
When did that OAV become TV? 
Whatever happened to
Tape trades, cel shades, 
In the decades since

Akira, Gokudo, 
Way before Naruto
There was Van's Escaflowne, 
And Sailor Moon on USA, 
The newbies in high school, 
They tell us that we're uncool, 
'Cause we've had our Asian fix, 
Since 19, 19, 1996

We hate cuts, make them stop
When did wine and beer become tea and pop? 
And when did pirates start using toy guns? 
Glad 4Kids was dropped, dropped, dropped! 

Now show Akira, Gokudo, 
Way before Naruto
There was Van's Escaflowne, 
And Sailor Moon on USA, 
The newbies in high school, 
They tell us that we're uncool, 
'Cause we've had our Asian fix, 
Since 1996

Akira, Gokudo, 
Way before Naruto
There was Van's Escaflowne, 
And Sailor Moon on USA, 
The newbies in high school, 
They tell us that we're uncool, 
'Cause we've had our Asian fix, 
Since 19, 19, 1996


Aspirin 'Twixt Our Knees

MUSIC & LYRICS: MISBEHAVIN' MAIDENS (LUCKY ANNIE LEBLANC)

I asked my mom how I could be the best I am
She said "If you do just one thing, you surely won't be damned"
Well, then I asked "what is it?" And she answered so demure:
"Just keep your knees together, love, and always you'll be pure."

We were taught to keep an aspirin twixt our knees
To keep us out of trouble so our mothers would be pleased
But then I learned a secret, a trick that I will share
My fingers they still fit between, no need for an affair

When she said "be pure," I asked her what she meant
Did she mean pure of heart, or mind, or always pay your rent?
But “No,” she said, “none of that matters in the slight
Keep penises away from you, and then you'll be all right”

We were taught to keep an aspirin twixt our knees
To keep us out of trouble so our mothers would be pleased
But then I learned a secret, a trick that I will share
My mouth and tongue they still could pleasure all the ladies fair

And though I had some friends abstaining happily
So many of us sat around, confused as we could be
A cock is such a tiny thing to have so much control
Over our worth as people and our demarcated role

We were taught to keep an aspirin twixt our knees
To keep us out of trouble so our mothers would be pleased
But then I learned a secret, a trick that I will share
I never had an interest in "activities" down there

So those of us who wanted more decided to uprise
Deciding for ourselves exactly what went 'tween our thighs
We are the revolution, a movement going strong
Of folks who are defined by more than someone's else dong

We were taught to keep an aspirin twixt our knees
To keep us out of trouble so our mothers would be pleased
But then I learned a secret, a trick that I will share
They still can bend me over and then claim my derriere

Abstaining is an option, but it's not the only one
If you play with someone else's bits your worth is not undone
If anybody tells you you're a slut or you're a whore
Say "YES, I AM!" quite proudly and then show that fuck the door!


MUSIC: TO THE TUNE OF "IF YOU'RE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT"
LYRICS: MISBEHAVIN' MAIDENS (SABER TOMPSON)

If you want to take a picture, get consent
If you want to take a picture, get consent
If you want to take a picture, they're a person, not a fixture, 
If you want to take a picture, get consent

If you want to touch their cosplay, get consent
If you want to touch their cosplay, get consent
If you want to touch their cosplay, and don't want to cause them dismay, 
If you want to touch their cosplay, get consent

If you want a big embrace, get consent
If you want a big embrace, get consent
If you want a big embrace, there's a way to close the space, 
If you want a big embrace, get consent

And if they still say no, back away
If they still say no, that's ok
If they decline your advance, it's their body, not your chance
If they still say no, just GO AWAY


I Wanna Make Out with You at Cons

MUSIC & LYRICS: MISBEHAVIN' MAIDENS (LUCKY ANNIE LEBLANC)

I think you’re really cute and nice and funny
We’ve got a lot in common and that’s just cool
We’re not real close, we’re far from besties
But if I didn’t tell you this I’d be a fool

[Chorus]
I wanna make out with you at cons
Don’t wanna be your girlfriend, don’t wanna date
Just wanna make out with you when it’s convenient
When we’re cosplaying

You look so good when you’re all dressed up
You’re giving me needs that I just can’t shake
I like it when you’re in character
So I’ve got a little proposition to make

[Chorus]

You don’t live close enough for us to date
And I’ve got too many things on my plate
But still you’re really cute, did I mention that?
We’ve got a good rapport and I’d like to state...

[Chorus]

I’d almost worked up the courage to ask you
And then my heart just broke
Because your Facebook status changed
To “In a Relationship”
And I don’t think you’re polyamorous like I am

So after some thorough soul-searching
And after some tears
And more than a few margaritas
And a couple of tequila shots
And many, many episodes of “Gilmore Girls” on Netflix…
Even season 7 with Logan, I mean, what was that about?

Anyway…
I came to the conclusion there’s only one thing I can do. 
Find somebody else. 
...How YOU doin’?

[Chorus x2]
 


Twiddles

MUSIC: JANIE MENEELY
LYRICS: JANIE MENEELY & MISBEHAVIN' MAIDENS

Oh you hear a lot of stories 'bout the sailors and their sport
About how every sailor has a girl in every port
But if you added two and two, you'd figure out right quick
It's just because the girls all have a lad on every ship

[Chorus] 
And it's twiddle ee ai dee ai dee ai
Twiddle ee ai dee ei
It's often times a man will leave you broken with dismay
And it's twiddle ee ai dee ai dee ai
Twiddle ee ai dee ei
There's other things to twiddle when the men have sailed away

Lucky Annie was a lady who'd been pleased by many men
They all would sail away but then they'd come right back again
But if they never sailed her way she really didn't care
Cause I know that you don't need a man to twiddle under there

[Chorus] 

Saber had her lovers, they came in at every door
You could even say that she was really quite a whore
But when she needs some pleasing, she knows just where to go
I grab my good friend Madam Rouge and we go down below"

[Chorus] 

There was a time when Rouge she found the sailor men a bore
Each new one was more tiresome than the one she had before
Now she finds more joy in breeches than she ever did of old
I'm more fond of their bulges when they're pouches full of gold

[Chorus] 

Why the boys would look at her, it puzzled poor Flint Locke
She would sit and smile and nod and let them brag and talk
But if they tried to touch her well she'd put them on the run
Cause why would I need a lover when I've got myself a gun

[Chorus] 

So next time you're with a lady and she takes you to her bed
Be sure to please her well, and remember what we've said
For if you do not treat her right, then know that this is true
Us ladies all can have our fun without involving you! 

[Chorus x 2]